


I'm A-Stakin' My Claim

by pinkevilbob



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:53:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23114989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkevilbob/pseuds/pinkevilbob
Summary: Destined for the gallows, Caleb is granted a second chance in the form of Jester.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 6
Kudos: 71





	I'm A-Stakin' My Claim

Caleb huddled in the corner of the jail cell. He'd really mucked things up this time. It was supposed to be an easy con, so easy even Caleb could do it by himself. The town was one of those with a bounty on goblins, so Caleb deemed it too dangerous for Nott. But they were running low on supplies, so Caleb had to go in by himself. And of course he ended up getting caught. At least Nott wasn't there to share his fate.

The day he was to be executed a steady stream of gawkers came into the jail to stare at him. Most of them were women, but there were a handful of men and others who came to see him. Caleb barely looked up at them. He wasn't going to give them even that much. He had spent the whole night trying to escape, but it was no use. All he could hope for was that Nott just thought that he'd ditched her. The idea of her crying over his death was too much for him. Death was all that he deserved.

"Get up!" a guard barked at him.

Stiffly Caleb got up and was dragged out of his cell. There was a full crowd surrounding the jail. Executions must've been popular entertainment in these parts. Caleb kept his eyes on his feet as they made their way to the gallows. The guard shoved him up the stairs and presented him to the crowd. "Any takers?!"

The crowd was completely silent.

"Anyone? Anyone?! Then let the hanging commence!" The guard shoved a bag over Caleb's head and slipped a noose on over it.

Fear took over Caleb. He'd always known that this was the kind of end he deserved, but he didn't want it. If he was dead, he couldn't change anything. His legs shook and he had to choke back a sob. Even in his last moments he was a coward.

"Wait!" a voice called out. "Wait wait wait!! I want to see him! Let me see him!"

"We already did our last call," the guard said.

Footsteps ran up the stairs. "So? He's still here and alive. So I still have a chance, right?"

"I guess?"

"Thanks!" The voice was sweet and feminine. "Now let's see what you are."

The bag was removed from Caleb's head and he was face to face with a tiefling woman. She was blue, plump, and grinning a bit too widely for Caleb's taste. "Hi!"

"Uh, hello," Caleb said. He had the distinct feeling that she was measuring him up.

The tiefling circled around him. Her tail swished about as she made her round. She clicked her shoes when she stopped right in front of him. "I'll take him!"

The guard stared at her. "You will?"

"Yep! He's perfect!" Her tail wagged behind her.

Perfect for what was what Caleb wanted to know.

“If you say so.” The guard took the rope off from around Caleb’s neck. “But if he causes any trouble, you’re going to be the one to answer for it, you understand? I’ll go get the priest.”

Priest? “What’s going on?” Caleb asked. He was suddenly freed which he didn’t mind, but none of it made any sense.

The tiefling grinned. “Oh right, so they have this whole rule for convicts. If someone decides to marry them, the convict gets released into their custody.”

“Custody? Married?” Caleb took a step back and nearly stumbled off the scaffolding.

The tiefling caught his arm. “Oh, can’t have you breaking your neck before our wedding.”

“But I don’t even know who you are,” Caleb said. “You don’t know who I am.”

“Hi, I’m Jester,” she said sweetly holding out her hand.

Caleb took it hesitantly. “Caleb, Caleb Widogast. This has to be a mistake. You don’t really want to marry me, do you?”

Jester giggled. “Of course I do. I have big plans for us.”

Caleb blanched. He was not looking forward to any of her ‘big plans’.

* * *

  
Caleb could hardly believe any of what was going on around him. The whole wedding was a blur except for the silly faces his bride would pull when she thought that no one was looking. If he still laughed, it would've taken a lot to not chuckle at least, but he'd stopped laughing long ago. So instead he just watched her silently.

After the ceremony, she took him to what was going to be his new home. It was a ways away from the town. More than once Caleb wondered if she was taking him out there to murder him, but it would've been easier to just let the hang man do the job for her. Unless of course she needed a sacrifice. Jester hummed and skipped along, making it hard to imagine her sacrificing anyone. But then again it could all be a trap.

Suddenly, Jester stopped. "Here we are!"

“Ja, here we are.” At first all Caleb could see was the woods. But eventually, he noticed a shabby old hut hiding in the trees. It was the last place he would’ve imagined Jester staying in with her fine clothes. Though when he paid closer attention to her, he noticed how faded and worn her outfit was. It had clearly seen better days.

“Yep, your new home!” A bright smile was pasted over Jester’s face, but Caleb didn’t know how much he believed it. She took his hand and tugged him to the hut.

Caleb stumbled as he followed her. Dread grew in his stomach.

Jester suddenly stopped. “Wait! You can’t go in yet!”

“I can’t?” Did she need to hide her murder supplies first?

She shook her head. “No! It’s bad luck for the groom to just go in. I have to carry you in.”

“I think it’s bad luck for the bride,” Caleb said.

“Nah, I don’t think so. I’ve already been here before,” Jester said matter of factly.

Caleb still frowned at this. “I’d rather take my chances and not have you carry meEEEEE!”

Jester had already scooped Caleb up in her arms and he had no choice but to cling to her. “Here we go!” She threw the door open to the hut. It wasn't quite as sad and pathetic on the inside as it was on the outside, but that didn’t take a lot. The shack was still a shack, but it had bright painted pictures on the walls and a little fabric canopy over the bed in the corner. Sun shined down from a hole in the roof. There was dirt and mess all about, but the effort was apparent. Someone was trying their best to make it a home. And failing. "Tada! Our home!" Jester waved her arms all about.

"It's ... a lovely home," Caleb said. "Thank you for welcoming me here."

Jester beamed. "No problem! I'm not the sort of wife who'd make their new husband sleep outside."

Caleb looked around again. There was dust covering the floor and, the old bed in the corner was barely big enough for one adult. He'd be better off sleeping outside. "It's really something."

"Just wait," Jester said. "I've got big plans for this place. It's going to be the best temple ever!"

"Temple?" Caleb couldn't imagine any self respecting god allowing themselves to be worshipped in such a dump.

Jester nodded. "Yeah! For the Traveler. And people are going to come from all over the place to worship here."

Caleb furrowed his brow with thought. Even with his near perfect memory, he'd never heard of such a god. "That's not one of the sanctioned gods."

"Well, being sanctioned is highly overrated. The Traveler's too cool for that," Jester said.

"And who is the Traveler?" Claeb asked.

Jester leaned forward. "You've never heard about the Traveler? He's super cool and you should totally worship him."

"I'm not really the worshiping type," he said. "Never really saw the point in it." Caleb knew he was damned either way, so why waste his prayers?

"But the Traveler is like the best god. I'm sure you'd like him a lot."

Caleb stared at her. "Why?"

"Why what?" Jester asked.

"Why would I like him? You really don't know me or my crimes. Why even choose to marry me? I could be a murderer," Caleb said.

Jester looked down and bit her lip. "Well, they don't let murderers get away like that here. If you killed someone, you hang no matter what. And I've got a good eye for second chances. Like this house."

Caleb frowned. "I'm like this shack?"

"Yeah, like life hasn't been kind to either of you, so you deserve someone being nice to you," Jester said, not quite looking at him.

Was it really that obvious? Caleb liked to think that he was good at hiding, but apparently his pain was harder to keep secret than he had thought. "And do you deserve to be that someone?"

Jester shrugged. "I guess? I mean there was no one else volunteering. And well, I kinda sort of need something from you."

"Ah." And there it was the second shoe. The inevitable murder. "And that is?" Caleb steeled himself ready to run.

"I can't fix this place up by myself. I tried and all I did was make a hole in the roof. So the Traveler and I figured if I got someone to help me that this would go a lot faster. And I figured that a husband would be a lot of help for making a temple." She played with her skirt not daring to look at him.

Caleb barked out a laugh surprising himself and Jester. Free labor. That’s what she was after. Not that he'd be any good at it, but it was marginally better than getting his heart sacrificed to some unknown god. "I don't know if you got a good look at me, but I'm as strong as a kitten."

"Well, I'm not going to have you do any heavy lifting, I'm super good at that," Jester said. "I just need a second person for cleaning and weeding. And the Traveler isn't here a lot of the time and I'm not super popular in the village, so an extra friend would be useful too."

"A friend?" Caleb found that part hard to believe. No one except for maybe Nott would ever want him as a friend.

Jester nodded again. "Yeah, or at least I was hoping we'd be friends one day."

Caleb sighed. "I'm not really friendship material. Or husband material." Jester's face fell. "But I can help with this place at least."

"You will?"

Caleb nodded. "Ja. You did save my life after all."

Jester grinned so wide her face nearly split. "You're not going to regret this, Caleb." But the real question was if Jester was going to regret it.

**Author's Note:**

> So, the Goin' South AU no one asked for. Yep, well it exists now.


End file.
